No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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