So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
