I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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