ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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