the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
