Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
