sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
