i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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