I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
