hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You are a genius and a whore.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
