I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize