when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
