I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
