Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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