3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
