ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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