i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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