wakey wakey hands off snakey
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
