Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
