My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
