And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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