I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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