Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
