i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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