it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
