you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
