At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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