you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
