I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
