you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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