But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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