i need an iv and a liver transplant
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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