Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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