I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
