Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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