I'm really into asian looking animals
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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