Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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