it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
