Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
