I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
