What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
