I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm like, not good at living.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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