Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
