if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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