sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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