Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
