Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
