When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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