this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
