With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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