We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
