Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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