the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
