everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
