she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
