there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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