he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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