Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
