My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
