UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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