Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
