I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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