A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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