thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
