your parents love me but you hate me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
