i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ok first of all what the fuck
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
