And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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