i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Oh god it's open bar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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