no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
